Do you remember when you met Jesus – when He touched you? What is a collision of the wills?
Jesus reached out and touched him, “I am willing.” Luke 5:13
I remember it was a collision of the wills.
I wanted to run away, but where could I run? Knowing that the Living God could see me, was a devastating experience. I was broken, ashamed, soul-sick and He was aware of it.
He was more willing than I was.
When I realized He was near to me, I broke down. All I needed to do was cry for mercy, but my mouth wouldn’t move. Finally, I whispered with trembling lips a simple prayer:
“Lord, I am unclean.” I looked up and cried, “Sir! I need help!”
He touched me and said, “I am willing.”
From that moment on I’ve become a new person. True, I’m a work in progress. We all are. God was willing to accept me, just as I am. He understood my habits and addictions. I thought they defined me, but He knew differently. He said, “I am willing.”
In my newness of heart, I thought He meant just for that day, but what He meant was:
“I am willing to be with you for the rest of your life.”
I wasn’t wrong about Him once, but many times and He was always there to correct me. I thought that was the end of it, “I’m saved, and that’s that.” Jesus knew better.
He knew this wasn’t a one-night-stand.
I’ve learned, after more than 45 years, with God it is more than a process – it’s a relationship. He was trying to tell me this then, but it has taken years for me to accept.
We’re doing just fine for awhile, and then I blow it. I get distracted. I would walk with God. I even tried to avoid Him. The world was attractive – my cool.
Like a moth to the flame, My the world drew me in.
But God was faithful. I was not.
He said, “I am willing.”
I said, “I’m not.”
The separation was killing me. I was heartsick. I could take it no more. I cried for mercy.
“What? What can I do, Lord? I’m so weak. Help me, please!”
“I am willing, but you must trust Me. Trust Me with your life.”
It was hard, this collision of the wills, but in the end, because of His willingness not to forsake me I learned what to do:
- Submitted to His faithfulness
- Leaned into the accuracy of His correction.
- Stood still in the beauty of His presence.
- Froze in the power of His free-flowing love.
”I admit, I’m not perfect, and the world still tries to pull me away. I get distracted easily, but now something is different. I value the power of His will – it’s better than my own. I understand the secret in the secret place. In His presence, perfectly there is strength and love. In the power of His will, I can know the truth – I can know Him intimately.
My yielded heart He receives, holds it in His hand to correctly, and shape it until it beats to the rhythm of our Master. He’s exchanged my weakness for strength, removed my doubt for faith, and my anxiety for peace.
I died to self, yielded to Him, and He doesn’t disappoint.
I don’t know if the collision of the wills was necessary, but in the end, it was worth it. He said, “I am willing” and in His will, I will never be the same again.
When I say, “I am willing” He moves closer.
Whenever I am receptive to His touch, then He is free to work in my soul – free to accomplish a complete healing.
No more collision of the wills. I refuse to go back. The world continues to pull me and bring me in, but I’ve got something better. In God’s hand change happens – His perfect, pleasing and acceptable will is victorious.
Death’s grasp slips away. His firm grip holds me secure forever.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:10-12
It’s no longer a collision of the wills. The power of the yielded heart.
When God touches you, He’s touching His masterpiece.
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength… Isaiah 30:15a
What about you? When you met Jesus the first time was it a collision of the wills?
Yours in Him,